If you’re going through a divorce or separation – and you and your ex are going to co-parent your minor or adult dependent child – you’ll need to draw up a parenting time schedule.
While the final decision concerning how parenting time will be divided lies with a child’s parents and sometimes a judge, allowing your child to have a voice in the process can potentially be beneficial. Giving a child a say—depending on their age and maturity—can sometimes lead to a more stable, respectful and emotionally supportive parenting arrangement.
What kind of say?
Children thrive on routine, but they also value being heard. When parents make space for a child’s input, the child may feel more secure and less powerless during a time of significant change. This doesn’t mean handing over full control, but rather creating opportunities for thoughtful discussion. For example, a teenager might express a preference to spend more time at one home because of school, friends or extracurricular commitments. A younger child might be more concerned about consistency with bedtime routines or comfort items.
It’s important to approach these conversations with care. Children should never feel pressured to choose sides or make adult decisions. Instead, parents can frame the conversation by asking what makes them feel comfortable and what routines they enjoy. This type of dialogue can potentially help to identify priorities that can be reflected in your child’s parenting plan.
In some cases, family courts may take a child’s preferences into account in the event of a contested custody scenario—particularly with older children—though the court’s ultimate decision should be based on the child’s best interests. Even when a court doesn’t formally weigh a child’s opinion, co-parents who are willing to consider it often see smoother transitions and fewer conflicts down the line.
By giving your child a respectful voice in the process, you send a powerful message: their feelings matter, even in difficult times. This simple act of inclusion can make a lasting difference in how your child adjusts to shared parenting.