When a family breaks apart, children often struggle to make sense of the changes around them. Divorce is inherently difficult for anyone, but the experience can be particularly devastating for them. For younger children, the result can include a regression in their behavior, from showing clinginess to throwing tantrums. In contrast, those in their teenage years may withdraw and become more isolated as a way to cope with their emotions.
They may struggle with a multitude of questions, from “Will I have to choose between mom and dad?” to “What will happen to our family home?” How you answer these questions can have far-reaching implications for their emotional well-being. But how exactly do you approach these discussions with them?
Communicate openly and honestly with your child
As their parent, you are your kid’s greatest ally during this difficult transition. It is your job to make the difficult issues make sense to them. Tailor your explanations to their age and maturity level. Be prepared to address your children’s concerns and fears openly. They might worry about where they will live, if they will see both their parents or if the divorce is their fault. Your honest, compassionate responses play a critical role in alleviating these anxieties.
Do not minimize their feelings
Your child’s emotions during divorce are valid and deserve recognition. Resist the urge to downplay their feelings or brush off their concerns. If they express hurt or anger, acknowledge these emotions without judgment. Your role is to provide a safe space for them to process their feelings, not to dictate how they should feel.
You can also show them that it is normal to have complex emotions by being honest about your own feelings. Let them know you are sad, too, but will get through this together. However, be careful not to burden them with adult concerns or details about the divorce proceedings.
Nurturing resilience one question at a time
Every conversation with your child is an opportunity to build their resilience. Your support and thoughtful responses to their questions can help them develop coping skills that will serve them well beyond the divorce process. Many children of divorce grow up to be well-adjusted, empathetic adults, thanks to parents who prioritized their emotional needs during difficult times.